Last month I was invited to Baltimore to speak at one of the largest Bridal Shows on the East Coast. I was especially interested in meeting the brides and grooms I suspected were not likely to be New American Wedding couples. After all, they'd signed up and paid for the chance to see some very traditional vendors - big white wedding gowns, towering cakes, wedding bands who played "Celebration now - come on!". The very things I found were challenging couples across America.
So - why was I invited to speak? Because after more than the thousand interviews that built the book and the hundreds and hundreds of vendors, officiates, families and couples we've met since NAW was released, there is probably no one who knows more about who is getting married in America and why and when and how - than we do!
Jill Mullen and I went down by train. We had great media reception; television and radio interviews and a fabulous hour on Baltimore's Public Radio WYPR. You can hear that interview by going to WYPR.org, archive the Marc Steiner Show, February 20th - and there we are!
This was, as the showbiz crowd says, a Big Gig- four thousand brides and grooms in one room. It was terrifying. I went on stage after a very loud, very - shall we say, "energetic" disco hip-hop band. I was given a hand-held mike. I was so out of my depth —and I was going to be followed by a fashion show of huge, white dresses. How did I think I was going to get off of this stage without passing out, crying and/or offending the audience and/or the vendors?
I took a couple of deep breaths - and I told the crowd a little bit about our study —How many grooms are here, I asked? At least a quarter of the crowd —maybe more- that wouldn't have happened fifteen years ago, I told them. I asked them to hold up their hands if they were older than 30 —about half the crowd was. Younger than 35? Almost everyone in the room —Younger than 25? —almost no one. How many marriages in this room will be the FIRST marriage for BOTH of you? Only about half. How many marriages include children? Again about half the room raised their hands. How many of you are frustrated with the whole process and options of planning this wedding. Almost everyone's hand went up. (And remember —this crowd illustrates the TRADITIONAL bride!)
I won't take much more of your time, I said —I know that you have a lot to see and many people to meet and talk to —but —all across America we've heard couples voice the fact that they are NOT happy with the choices they're shown. They want things that are more creative and more personal. they want choices that express more of their own personality, values and style.
I've met a number of the vendors in this room today —and they're creative and they're kind and they want to please you —If you don't see what you are looking for - ask for it. Don't just shake your head and go away and give up. Don't just settle for what you've seen and feel depressed. Don't assume you are wrong. Don't assume THEY are wrong. You are ALL limited by what the media is telling you to expect and what you are being processed to 'want'.
I am telling you to dare to express yourself. You have a lot of people in this room who want to help you.
Phew, I thought as I got off the stage. Glad that's over. And then the crowd came up to us to talk. Jill had distributed a number of flyers through the day —asking just a few questions about what and how couples were managing the process of choosing, planning and purchasing for their weddings. We put them aside to read on the train on the way home; it was far too hectic to read them in the room with brides and grooms and mothers and —to our surprise —vendors —all pushing to talk and ask questions and tell their own stories. On the train we read the questionnaires and they were spot-on with our research. Almost word for word.
We have another gig in Denver on April 22nd. I'll talk for an hour this time —and answer questions and sign books all day.
As I know a little more, I'll give you a preview of the event and the radio stations we'll be on —so you might catch us via computer —if you're out of the Denver area. If you're IN Denver - do think about stopping by!
In the meantime, we'd love to hear from each and every one of you. The call-in show in Baltimore really convinced me - when the lines were choked with calls and e-mails and faxes within five minutes of our going on the air, that so many of you have great personal stories to share! Here's a venue —tell us the story of your New American Wedding. Maybe it will help someone who is struggling to find a voice for their own —or a new way to dress —or a way to manage the budget —Whatever —share!
That's the only way we'll change the culture —one authentic wedding at a time!
Keep up the good work.
Posted by: Beth | April 26, 2009 at 09:49 PM